What causes our stress? It can seem like external situations are the cause—the million things we have to do (this is mine), for others it can be people who are being obnoxious, or the overwhelming circumstances we face.
But the external situation isn’t the root cause of the stress. It’s our reaction to the external situation. It’s our thoughts, our way of looking at things, and our habit of letting ourselves get hooked by these thoughts.
For example, stress about messiness stems not from the mess itself (which will always exist somewhere), but from our story about it: it shouldn’t be this way, we want cleanliness, and the mess makes us anxious. The problem is that we want things to match our ideals. When the external world is messy, it doesn’t match our expectations, and so we get frustrated, anxious, stressed.
The cause, then, is the ideal. The story. Our tendency to get hooked by the story, and not be happy with the external situation.
Working with Stress
We can use mindfulness to work with our ideal, our story, and our tendency to get hooked:
- Notice you’re stressed without panicking—feeling stressed isn’t a huge problem. It’s OK to feel this way.
- Pause to observe what’s happening. Notice that we’re unhappy with the external situation (or ourselves). Recognize that your unhappiness comes from your story about the situation, not the situation itself.
- Investigate how stress feels physically in your body. Where is it located? What sensations do you notice? Turning attention to our body is a way to drop out of the story in our head and into the present moment.
- Let go of the ideal causing your stress and open up to the present moment. Can we just see it, without the extra layer of a story? Without judgment or interpretation?
- Find something to be grateful for in this moment—perhaps the light, quiet, or simply being alive to experience this moment. That is magical.
By opening to the present moment with curiosity and gratitude, we move away from what causes stress (ideals, stories, being hooked) toward potential happiness: appreciating the wonderful moment before us. This moment may not be what we desire, but it’s actually here, and it is beautiful.
The Stress of Too Much to Do
One of the most common causes of stress is having too many things to do. No matter how much you simplify, there’s always stress about what we have to do. How can we work with this mindfully?
- Notice you’re stressed and that thoughts about your tasks have hooked you into a story causing overwhelm.
- Focus on how this stress feels physically. Where in your body is the feeling located? What physical sensations can you notice? The longer you can stay with this physical sensation, the better.
- Notice how the physical sensation isn’t that bad. It’s just a sensation, a kind of energy in your body, nothing to be afraid of. You don’t need to run from it.
- Be curious about these sensations. What textures or qualities can you notice? Does it change over time?
- Find gratitude amid the stress—perhaps you’re stressed because you have a job, are launching a venture, have beautiful kids, or enjoy a busy social life. Wonderful things! Finding gratitude in the discomfort of stress can be helpful.
Practices of Effortless Mindfulness
Simple practices you can incorporate daily:
- Sit in stillness every day, in the morning, resting your attention on your body and your current experience. Welcome that experience like you would a good friend.
- Check in with yourself during the middle of the day, maybe setting a reminder. As you check in, notice how you’re feeling and stay with the feeling for a bit.
- When stressed, practice staying with the physical feeling in your body a little longer. How can you open up to it just a little more?
- When frustrated with others, look for gratitude that they’re in your life. Can you find any love for them? Can you try to understand what they’re going through? Can you see their pain and struggle, and feel compassion for them?
These little practices don’t take tremendous effort, but by practicing them in small doses throughout the day, you’ll improve your mindfulness, better understand your stress and discomfort, and become more present.
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